Annamaria on Monday
I cannot bear to watch the news on television, but I do keep up with it. I know what has been happening in the world and particularly in the USA of late. I just can't bring myself to see it on the screen or to dwell on it - for fear of apoplexy. Ordinarily, I glean what I need to know from newspapers and the radio and then bury my head in the fictional past - writing it, reading it, and watching films and TV shows that serve it up. For you today, I am serving up headlines aimed at eliciting glee, instead of the dread so many of us are feeling these days.
A number of years ago, my students in a technical writing class gave me a gift: one of those little books that you used to be able find at the cash registers of bookstores, when there were bookstores. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim was published by the Columbia Journalism Review and documented hilarious headlines, mostly from local newspapers, back in the day when there were local newspapers. I share of few of them today. Many are about crimes or crime fighters; some only sound that way. All are real headlines that ran in actual newspapers:
Beating Witness Provides Names
Youngstown Police On Duty Getting Smaller
Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests
Man Robs, Then Kills Himself
SCSC Graduates Blind Senior Citizen
Robber Holds Up Albert�s Hosiery
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Police Can�t Stop Gambling
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Police Kill Man With Ax
Police Union to Seek Blinding Arbitration
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Bishop Defrocks Gay Priest
Chester Morrill, 92, Was Fed Secretary
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